I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
