I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
