Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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