The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
