I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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