Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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