I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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