Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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