Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
