He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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