Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
