Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
