WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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