He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
