hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
