the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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