I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
