i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize