Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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