just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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