Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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