he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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