clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
