i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
