It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
