That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
