god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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