i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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