I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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