Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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