i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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