he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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