The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
