walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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