He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
