the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
