I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
