Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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