Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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