I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
