after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
