69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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