...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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