Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
