How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
