I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Your tits are I can't wait for
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
