It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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