I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
