So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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