after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
