I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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