btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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