i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
