The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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