i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
