ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
