ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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