As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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