After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
