I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Randomize
