i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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