You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
