So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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