Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
