So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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