She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
