i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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