My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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