It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
