Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
