she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
